new year / gentle resolutions

Some things I want to do more of this year: I want to sing more. Maybe take up classes. Back in insti, the kind of music that was considered cool to listen to, and the high skill level one needed to have to be able to enter the music/jam circles kept me away from music …

this barbie is a bit dense now

A couple of years ago, I used to be so bogged down by my education that critical theory seeped into the way I looked at everything. Everything, and I mean everything, was a text waiting to be read, analysed, unpacked, and critiqued. My thesis. The series of events that led to me choosing my first …

alster thoughts

Today is my last day in Hamburg. It's 7 pm, but it's still very sunny out --- it's as if the sun doesn't want to disappoint me by going down too soon. I'm seated by the bank of the Alster lake, and there are baby geese and swans right in front of me. It's a …

freeing limits

One of my biggest fears about growing older is that with each passing day, some doors and paths close off to you and before you know it all the people you thought you could be and all the things you thought you could pursue aren't real options anymore. This is why I have always struggled …

time

I was washing the dishes this morning when I remembered this Kenny Sebastian comedy clip in which he dissects the different kinds of scrubbers available on the Indian market. The Indian couple I'm now living with had the steel scrubber (the one that looks like a silver wig with curls gone rogue), which I hadn't …

space

I moved to a new city, yet again. It's not a permanent move, but I'm here for a substantial amount of time -- which means I have to set up my place like I would if I intended to stay here longer. But this time the move wasn't done in a haste -- it was …

pride

Today is one of those days I feel something I rarely feel -- pride. I was clearing up my inbox and came across an email I wrote to a mentor when I was in 9th grade, and was preparing for a B2 CEFR English examination. It was full of mistakes and gave off a weird …

a medium good day

I had a good day at work. I'm learning so much, and I feel alive again. I think it's the right combination of intellectually stimulating work that also has some tangible impact that's making me feel this way. My mentors have been amazing to me. I wish I were faster with my tasks, but oh …

downhill

I have been scared to write about my life. About how it's going downhill uncontrollably. About how I have lost any sense of self-worth I had. About how I'm having rude realisations of all the people I can never be and all the things I can never have. About how I feel small. I am …

oru paiyan / ganavya

It's been about a year since I discovered this Tamil-American jazz vocalist Ganavya, but I've only begun to appreciate her work fully after I moved and have had my own space to play music whenever I feel like it. She's so criminally underrated that I couldn't even find lyrics to her songs on the internet! …